Everybody's Valentine
by Allison Bratnick
layout by Allison Bratnick
Who says you have to be in a relationship to have a good time on Valentine’s Day? Last year, as the love-centric holiday approached, I was well aware that I would again be spending it in the company of my dear cat, Louis. I was well into my job at my university’s newspaper as the production supervisor and went into work on February 13 just as I would have on any other day. To my surprise, the universe soon handed me an opportunity to broadcast my unique sense of humor across the campus on which I had spent the past few years of my life.
My boss informed me that for the next day’s Valentine’s Day edition, we had too much blank space. Because of that, I became responsible for resizing, replacing and redoing the overall layout to place ads to fill the black and white pages.
After hours of tedious work and imaging, I was still left with a good amount of glaring, empty white ad space. Then I remembered my good friend, Lauren, a self-proclaimed, eternally happy single. We had spoken earlier about the cliché of Valentine’s Day and the painful reminder it is to all who are sans boy or girlfriend. I knew what I had to do.
The next morning I woke up to a phone call from Lauren. I answered with the customary “Hello,” but did not receive one back. Instead I heard, “Why did a group of random guys just call me at eight in the morning and scream into the phone that they would be my Valentine?”
While we were talking, Lauren received multiple calls on her other line, and with each click back to me, she had the same response: “Why do all these strangers want to be my Valentine?”
One caller finally sensed her confusion and told her to look in the newspaper I was so proudly a part of. Still on the phone with me, she went to the nearest campus coffee shop and picked up a copy of the newspaper; I heard pages frantically turning as she heeded the stranger’s advice. Then, suddenly, the shuffling stopped.
Silence.
Lauren let out the loudest gasp-turned-rolling laughter I could imagine. The ad under the heading “Valentines” read, “If you’re a lonely Valentine then call this girl and say ‘Be Mine.’” I had included Lauren’s phone number under the wanted ad.
The calls came all morning, afternoon, night and well into the weekend. Singles, committed couples, males, females and entire fraternities called and offered her their friendship and wishes for a happy Valentine’s Day. Not only did this little prank of mine ensure that Valentine’s Day, once ignored by us, became a favorite holiday to celebrate our friendship together – it reassured our faith in others and the fact that humans can be a truly compassionate and caring race. Each call, instead of being a nuisance or an irritating hoax, put a smile on our faces.
Best of all, Lauren was left trying to get back at me with a bigger and better prank. And I have yet to see the results of her efforts.
Published 22 June 2009. All Rights Reserved.