The Dream of Scotland
by Lynn Renee Maxcy
I was 20, halfway through college, and heading back to Scotland for my third mission trip. I loved Scotland dearly. I loved the people and the culture and how they drove on the wrong side of the road. I loved eating Shepherd’s pies at the local bakery, the way the Scottish brogue rolled off everyone’s tongue, and the thought of finally being by the ocean. After living my entire life in Colorado, I was feeling desperate for a change of space. God, please let me live here. Please let me move to Scotland. I imagined myself running a coffee shop or bakery, working in the church, proud of my very own little Scottish flat with an antique writing desk in the corner. I dreamt about what it would be like to pen my first novel in this tiny city of Carnoustie. I wondered if I would even meet my husband here. There were so many questions swirling in my mind, so many unknowns. However, they were immediately forgotten from the sheer excitement of moving to a new country.
I started researching work visas and universities nearby. I even started planning how I would say goodbye to everyone I knew back in the U.S. My goodbye party was going to be the greatest night ever! I was convinced, down to the deepest part of my soul, that Scotland held all the exhilaration and freedom I had been craving.
Then the crowning moment came. On this trip to Scotland, a possibility came up for me to stay. After so many weeks and months spent dreaming of moving, here was finally an opportunity for me to do just that! So I prayed. I started planning. But in the bliss of the moment, there came a still, faint voice. Go back to the States, Lynn. I have more for you.
I shoved that voice to the back of my head, ignoring it and praying that God was actually saying something completely different. After all, everything was falling into place for me to move. Not today, though.
I’d love to say it was an easy choice for me, that I joyfully stayed in the States without a second thought. I would love to say that I was not angry with God. I would even love to say that as soon as I got back to the U.S., I understood why God had kept me here, that his plans clearly unfolded before me and I had my “Eureka!” moment – but I would be lying.
Saying farewell to Scotland at the end of that trip was one of the hardest moments of my life. As I hugged my wonderful new Scottish friends goodbye, as I had my last meat pie and sipped my last cup of tea, my heart ached. My previous trips to Scotland ended with the knowledge that I would be back the following year; those goodbyes were not permanent. This one was. I knew, as soon as I stepped on the plane in Edinburgh, that God was quieting a dream in my heart. He was pushing me in a different direction. I cried most of the way home. Now, three years later, I have not been back to that country which still holds my heart.
Back in Colorado, I didn’t want to give up on my hopes of living in Scotland. I still found myself planning my move absent-mindedly. I would still dream of my own little apartment. I was still excited to pick up a Scottish brogue. But it was not part of God’s plan for me. I wrestled with God over the next several months. I was angry. He was very set in not allowing me to move. Over and over he kept whispering, I have more for you here. It was never easy.
We don’t always understand why God says “no,” but there is always hope further than we can see, as long as we follow God’s leading. It may not be easy when God points us in a certain direction, but his heart for us is always for our benefit, never for our destruction. He sometimes asks us to give up choices that are just OK so he can point us toward what is meant for us.
Today, I can see some of God’s reasons for keeping me in Colorado. My life could have been great if I would have moved to Scotland, but I would have missed out on so many things. I finished my English degree. I worked in a coffee shop, where I met a man named Luke. He swept me off my feet, and we were married almost two years after I chose to stay in the States. I once thought I would meet my husband in Scotland, but it turned out he was just down the street in Colorado. I would have missed him entirely if I had stayed in Carnoustie!
Luke and I moved to Los Angeles from Denver a few months ago, and I finally get to live by the ocean. I never got my antique writing desk in the corner of my apartment – my husband made one for us instead. Today, I look at my life and am amazed. Being in Los Angeles, a city brimming with life and creativity, I feel my heart come alive. I am able to pursue a career in writing more intensely than I ever could have thought possible. Over the last year, God has started to bring a new dream into my heart: writing for film and television. That’s something I most likely never would have had the chance to do in Scotland, and Los Angeles is the perfect place for that dream! Three years after my last trip overseas, I am so grateful that my life has turned out this way.
I am excited to see what is coming around the next corner in life. God has been faithful to take care of me so far. Though it may not ever be easy to follow him, I know he will always point me in the right direction. It’s just up to me to follow. I’ve often wondered why God didn’t just take away my love of Scotland; it would have made the decision to stay so much easier. I could have moved on without ever wondering if I had made the right choice. Instead, I love Scotland as much as ever – I still miss the sound of bagpipes in the air. One day I know I will go back. But for today, I live in Los Angeles.
Published August 11, 2008. All rights reserved.